Thomson Nature Park + Inner Thoughts

Good Morning Blog,

2023 was coming to an end, I thought of going for a short hike somewhere else to have some deep reflection. Extracted contents from my main blog page. This will not be focus on Thomson Nature Park, but rather having some self-reflection over something which in my head for a long time.

Clear weather which expressed how I felt today.

I will be expressing my thought process while hiking so it is a long-winded one.

On my way to Thomson Nature Park.

Hmm 🤔 the weather changed... Got a bit moody... Perhaps it was just like my mood when I was in the thinking process... But what I was trying to do was to take Control from my emotions.

I reflected on my journey and studied my darkness and triggered points... Most people will say that I am lack of self-confidence... I must say... Lack of confidence is just the aftermath of something inside. I will say Affirmation is one of the ingredients.

I concluded one of my issues, is that I suffered from symptoms of Body Dysmorphia Disorder aka Body Image Issue. It is not as serious as those who really suffered from it but definitely similar, like I had read that a lot of people are having similar experiences on Reddit. Perhaps, I will illustrate what I have concluded from this year in today's post before my darkness shallows me again.

The toilet seemed to be taken over by this viney tree... Like the present got struck by the past.

I wanted to battle with my body image and try to be a better version of myself. I will look back at how it was started. 

Growing up, I always dreamt of being that guy—confident, not showing off, but still having people look up and trust in me. I looked for inspiration from idols who were handsome, tall and exuded confidence. But here's the fact—I'm just an average Joe, a plain, flat, short, and uninteresting guy around...

 Hmm... Have been hiking here so many times, I have not spent time to check this well at all. Why is there a shelter built over to protect this well?

The water source - naturally filtered well.

It may seem ugly and unattractive...

insignificant... but yet... there is something special about it.

There seemed like a message from this well... Are you trying to tell me something?

Oooo. back to my favourite platform at Thomson Nature Park.

Ah! I remembered! Okay back to topic. I was reflecting on how inferior I am, and the figure which I wished to win that genetic lottery.

I will illustrate my point in "The Impact of External Pressures: Societal Standards and Body Image".

You know how our society has these beauty standards that make you feel like you don't measure up? When I look at these guys and gals on billboards and movies and think, "Why can't I look like them?" or "why can't I follow like the popular guys in my school, who can change partners like clothing?" or "Why can't I have one don't-need-that-beautiful girlfriend/wife to love?"

It was a constant struggle, especially when it felt like the world was telling me that to be valued, I had to fit a certain mould. Flipping through magazines or social media, seeing these perfectly chiselled bodies, and telling me, "That's the benchmark!" It felt like I was constantly playing catch-up, running after an image that was always just out of reach...

I just want... to be wanted.

(Credit Na) Ah, There were visitors in the park. Weekend will surely have visitors around. and... yes, they judged me and I can't be bothered... Because Mr Sun knew it because he understood.

Many people may seem like they understood... knowing my troubles/wishes... started to give me Well-Meaning Advice but they didn't know... the Impact of their words...

I understand their well-meaning advice, they aren't doing it to hurt me... Like this tree... to survive on hard ground where it has to spread its roots to hold itself, unlike other trees.

It was like I got friends and family who kept saying, "Hit the gym more" or "Maybe try a different style" or "Lower your expectations" or "Be Real" or "Accept your fate" etc...

It's like they're handing me a roadmap to being someone else. Sure, they mean well, they really do. But... In fact, those words just chip away at my confidence...

Imagine sitting at family dinners, and the topic subtly shifts to your appearance. "Have you considered styling your hair?" or "Time is in your hands, want or not, the decision is on you.." or "You need to set your mind to achieve it!" It's not malicious, because they meant well. But... looking at myself... I have yet to achieve the desired result/outcome... It does not boost my confidence in any way when knowing others can achieve it easily...

Oh! Did you see these eaten durians? These are perfect examples one eaten by humans and another eaten by animals. Are you able to differentiate it?

Sorry, I digressed... I am fully aware that those who are successful, actually work hard to achieve it. Like this ruin, this wall wasn't built as it is instantly, it was built up brick by brick.

Personally, I have just carried the "Hatred/Anger" towards people who are so-called successful, trying to advise others or to me, like as long as we do what they do, you will succeed! To worse it, they simply made it sound "easy"! And when I can't achieve... I am just a loser...

To reflect... Why do I get worked out over it? Because I just wanted them to know... Everyone has a different life journey; unlike a copy-and-paste path. Yes! By following someone successful, more or less, we should be able to achieve similar than wasting our time.

Looking at the ruins here... They were built with the same material but provided many different outlooks. But... just like that tree... It has to spread its roots to survive rather than follow how others do.

And furthermore... What is successful?

The definition of "successful" can vary widely depending on individual perspectives/values/goals. so one's idea of "success" does not mean it will be the same for everyone. So personally... my definition is different from the majority.

There are a few dimensions to understand what is successful. Most people consider Success as a Career Achievement and Financial Prosperity that can be measured by career achievements, promotions, and financial stability. Another common one is the Achievement of Goals which relate to education, career, relationships, or personal development.

Personally, I think of success as Personal Fulfillment, which is closely tied to personal happiness and fulfilment; like pursuing activities that bring joy, having meaningful relationships, or maintaining overall well-being. Another is Personal Development, like acquiring new skills, gaining knowledge, or overcoming challenges and obstacles.

Lastly, I felt Balance can be deemed as Success too - Achieving a life balance between work and personal life is considered a success too. Striking a balance that brings harmony and satisfaction is a valuable accomplishment! (thanks ChatGPT for tidying my words above) 

It's crucial to emphasize that success is a deeply personal concept which I just learned to recognise recently while writing my blog... What may be considered successful for one person might not hold the same significance for another.

 It's essential to define success in alignment with our own values, aspirations, and what genuinely matters to us rather than follow to external or societal expectations.

Sometimes, I reacted negatively towards well-meant advice... Mainly due to what I needed, isn't that advice which I had already known... As I felt how negatively it impacted my mind...

This leads to my last point - The Struggle to Resist Conformity: Now, resisting conformity? That's a real battlefield. There were times when I'd see these guys around—fit, confident, seemingly ticking all the boxes. And in those moments, conforming felt tempting. It felt like maybe, just maybe, if I looked more like them, life would be easier. Picture being at a social event, surrounded by people who seem to effortlessly fit the mould. The temptation to conform is like a gravitational pull. It's a constant tug-of-war between being myself and fitting in. So, there I was, staring at myself in the mirror, trying to match up to these "ideal" men out there. It led to feelings of not being good enough, losing confidence, and developing a perfectionist streak. It got so intense; that I started to think I had this body dysmorphia thing going on...

Balancing External Input with Internal Values: Discovering my personality type as an INFJ helped me understand the whirlwind of thoughts within me. Acceptance has become my mantra, embracing myself as I would embrace others.
Oh? It started to rain, luckily, we managed to complete this park before raining. I've started questioning my tendency to be overly critical, realizing that self-love is an integral part of the journey. In a world where I've remained single, witnessing the highs and lows of my friends' relationships and the ageing of once-handsome idols, I understand that physical appearance doesn't define who a person is...

And Yes, surely looks matter to some extent... But I also read from other people's sharing... They will rather have a person who is there to listen, to understand, to be supportive, be there for others, be kind and more than being a pretty vase who just think only themselves.

Like Even though, it was raining, I still needed to water my plants because of how my plants are positioned.

One thing is for sure, attractiveness and youth are fleeting and temporary... But to develop a strong character and plenty of skills that can take me far in life; I have seen many attractive people but have a lot to cultivate within themselves. So I've come to appreciate that everyone's journey is unique - Embracing Imperfections and Breaking Free from Unrealistic Ideals

So, stay tuned, folks. There's more of this journey of self-acceptance coming your way. Let's figure this out together.

Jeff